"Seems like you've been everywhere!" It sounds a little admiring and almost makes me uncomfortable. I stare into my coffee. "I've travelled a bit, yes..." I mumble sheepishly. Far be it from me to brag or anything. But living in three countries in three years - one of them south of the equator - and packing your bags again and again is not entirely normal or ordinary.
I don't want to be the person who starts every second sentence with: "Back in XYZ...". But the fact is that there are now many memories and friendships in my life that took place abroad. Even though I still have boxes of things in Germany, spread out in the attics of my grandma, my dad and my mum, without even knowing where they are. I live in furnished flats and am a long way from buying my own pictures, furniture or kitchen appliances. Even though we've moved a few things into our home since the wedding.
And sometimes I feel like I've done something wrong here when I see bloggers who all quickly emigrate and sublet their flat to live in incredibly stylish digs in the other country. Or the real emigrants who have made themselves at home in their new country in no time at all. Whereas I'm somehow neither half nor whole: Not a digital nomad, but a flat. Not an emigrant, because I'm in a spirit of optimism and no longer at home in Germany.
In case anyone still wants to give emigration a try:
Here are the advantages and disadvantages of expatriate life.
The advantages
The disadvantages
1 〉 Get out of old patterns
Sometimes home is like a prison. At some point, you can no longer be the person who lived in the children's room in the attic, who cried to Mrs Oppler in second grade when Father Christmas came into the classroom and who secretly smoked behind the hedge in sixth grade to be cool. At some point, you can no longer categorise yourself in the way you spent your childhood and youth. And sometimes the only way to do that is to distance yourself. And not just emotionally, but also physically.
2 〉 Living where others go on holiday
Oh yes, this super romantic idea of living in paradise... let me tell you: It's true! It's incredibly cool to wake up to a bright blue sky every morning. The sea and the mountains on my doorstep gave me an incredible amount of energy in Cape Town. And even though everyday life in paradise is no different to that in Germany, I think it's something that you always appreciate when you've consciously moved there.
3 〉 A home away from home
This home away from home For me, the feeling is perhaps the greatest thing about emigrating. It's really wonderful to have more than one home where you are welcome. To call several people family, regardless of where they come from, what they look like or what language their mother tongue is.
4 〉 Really getting to know a country
Living in a place or going on holiday in a place is a very different feeling, as Liz Gilbert wrote in Eat Pray Love. And she was so right. There is a huge difference between shopping on the street in Cape Town and having to go to the doctor for the first time in the Czech Republic and not understanding anything. It's different just visiting a Christmas market in Prague or actually seeing people taking their carp home the day before Christmas to keep them alive in the bathtub for another 24 hours until they end up on the plate. Nothing is more tolerant and exciting than actually living in another culture and getting to know it.
5 〉 The freedom to move on
Moving to a new city or a new country is not an addiction like cigarettes or getting a new tattoo. But there is something about it that is addictive. I know people who never stay in one place for more than two or three years, and then it goes on: meeting new people, exploring a new city, discovering a new country. Yes, maybe it is like an addiction. But once you've broken free from your old patterns, you have it too: the freedom to move on at any time. You've done it once, you can do it a second time.
1 〉 Make new friends
Yes, yes, I said that you find a wonderful home away from home when you emigrate. That's also true. But if, like me, you're a rather introverted type who needs a lot of time with yourself and who always finds large groups of people kind of uncomfortable, then making new friends can sometimes be quite exhausting. And you need them if you don't want the Uber driver and the pick'n'pay cashier to be the only people you talk to at the weekend.
2 〉 Always short of cash
Moving costs money! It's already expensive just to move from Hamburg to Hanover. Not to mention a new country or continent. And then there are the various foreign health insurance policies, because they're no good in the country of emigration, and the few savings you put into pension insurance in case you want to spend your retirement in Germany after all, and the immensely high bill for mobile data due to the countless WhatsApp calls to good old Germany and of course the fact that in paradise the wages are often not so paradisiacal...
3 〉 Losing old friendships
Yes, it's sad and bad - and it happens. I didn't manage to stay in close contact with all my friends. I just didn't miss some friends that much - I didn't miss some friends that much. That sounds mean, but that's the course of time. And even if it sounds super cliché: the relationships that are really deep and genuine remain - even if someone leaves!
4 〉 Being at home nowhere
What they say is true: you will never really feel at home in your old home again. Because you no longer fit in and because a part of your heart is always somewhere else. That's what happens when you know people in more than one place. And when everything at home just stays the same.
5 〉 The language barrier is real!
To be honest, many people break out in a sweat at the thought of having to go to the pharmacy on holiday. Or actually going to the doctor. But now think, you have that every day. You have your routine check-up at the dentist and gynaecologist in a different language, you have to buy your cream for some embarrassing rash gesticulating loudly in the pharmacy, do your taxes in an even more confusing bureaucracy than the German one, open a bank account, deal with visa authorities and so on and so forth... Yes, that's one of the things that makes emigrating really no fun at all!
6 〉 Homesickness is a bitch
One that sneaks up on you from behind - always when you least expect it. Maybe just a Facebook reminder, a lovely message or simply a moment that you would love to share with your friends or family. And the tears start to flow. Get used to it.
7 〉 No pets
This is perhaps more personal, but I would love to have a cat. I grew up with cats, horses and dogs. Animals have always been part of my life. But there just isn't room for them in this expat life. I don't want to put myself or an animal through the stress. So I'll probably have to wait until a little kitten is romping around my kitchen - maybe even forever. Not okay with that.
Yes, it's true. The list of disadvantages is longer, quite a bit longer in fact! But one thing is certain for me:
I don't regret a single day of the last two years!
I don't regret a tear, no homesickness and no hassle with the authorities. I have met some wonderful people abroad. I learnt to pack all my belongings in three days, lost the fear of meeting new people - even just talking to them - and found love. Living abroad has made me more tolerant and at the same time more unyielding - towards injustice, racism and stupid, inappropriate comments.
It taught me an incredible amount about myself and I enjoy learning more about myself and the world we live in every day.
